


To Protect and Serve

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 20:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1720841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We're lucky I would never take candy from Okita." Or, Shinsengumi antics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Protect and Serve

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written early 2006, as practice for writing more Shinsengumi fic.

Sometimes, Vice-Commander Hijikata Toshirou wants to tell Captain Okita Sougo that he can  _have_  the position of vice-commander. This is typically when being vice-commander requires him to do things like buy pastries to munch on during long meetings.  
  
"Sir?" the cashier ventures, cute face tilting slightly in confusion. "Does our selection not please you? You're, uh, glaring at it."  
  
 _"It means a lot to the force,"_  Kondo told him.  
  
 _"Then why don't_  you  _do it?"_  
  
"Because I don't have time for that kind of thing. I'm very busy these days, you know."  
  
Toshirou twitches at the memory, because Commander Kondo Isao's "busy" consists of his failed courtship to... every woman he meets.  
  
"Sir?" the cashier tries again, sounding nervous.  
  
"Three boxes," Toshirou orders. "And no powdered ones," he adds with a grimace, "they make black uniforms look bad."  
  


~*~

  
  
"Sir," Okita Sougo accompanies the call with a tap on Kondo Isao's door. "You wanted us gathered for a meeting fifteen minutes ago. Is something wrong?" He hears a groan come from inside the office, and he immediately tenses, one hand flying to the hilt of his katana. "Sir?"  
  
When there is no answer besides another groan, Sougo kicks the door open and barges in, ready for a fight.  
  
What he finds is Commander Kondo lounging in his chair, cradling his right hand. "Ohhhh," Kondo moans.  
  
"... Sir?" Sougo sheathes his sword and raises his eyebrows.  
  
"Otae-san," Kondo whispers endearingly.  
  
"Ah, that woman?" Sougo wonders, even though he's sure Kondo isn't talking to  _him_.  
  
"... My wrist hurts," he mutters piteously.  
  
"I'm sure it does," Sougo agrees amiably. He notes the papers all over the desk. "What are you reading, sir? Porn? Is it porn?"  
  
"N-no!" Kondo leans over, covering the papers with his body. "Of course not!"  
  
He moved fast, but Sougo caught the characters for Otae's name on one sheet. Sougo draws himself up, looking very bit the man who wants to off the Vice-Captain and take the job for himself. "Sir, you can trust me. I never told anyone your favorite color was purple, did I?"  
  
"You told  _everyone_ ," Kondo reminds him. "You printed  _flyers_."  
  
"... At any rate, there won't be any pastries left for you if you don't hurry."  
  
"Especially around Toshi," Kondo murmurs affectionately, gathering the papers up.  
  
"Hijikata-san?" Sougo wonders, perplexed.  
  
"Oh, yeah. He loves the pastries from that bakery," Kondo explains, stuffing the sheets in one of his drawers.  
  
"He does?"  
  
"Mm-hmm. But he only eats them when he's alone. It's his guilty pleasure."  
  
Sougo considers this. "Really."  
  
Kondo looks up at him abruptly, proving that he isn't  _that_  thick (all of the time, anyway). "No flyers, Okita."  
  
"No, sir. No flyers."  
  
"Or posters."  
  
"No, sir."  
  
"Or newspaper ads, or television broadcasts, or speaker announcements, or notes passed during meetings."  
  
"Absolutely not, sir."  
  


~*~

  
  
Yamazaki spends a lot of time thinking about badminton. He can't help it; it's his favorite sport, and he would marry his racket if he could. Especially because women won't date him anymore (he's always late picking them up because of practice.)  
  
He thinks about badminton at breakfast, on the way to work, at work, on the way home, and while he plays badminton. He takes a break when there's a challenging job to be done, but even then, he takes his racket with him, so Sougo says that doesn't count. (He can't help that, either; it's his good luck charm!)  
  
Yamazaki was teased when he was in school. Badminton wasn't a manly sport, the other kids said. Badminton was for sissies, and he would never grow up to have a real career because he spent time playing girly sports. And girls wouldn't like him, because girls wanted real men, and if they didn't want real men, they wanted girls -- and if they wanted girls, they would have other girls, and not guys who were like girls because they played girly sports like badminton.  
  
But then Yamazaki joined the Shinsengumi, and was pleased to discover that his passion for such a girly sport did not ostracize him from _belonging_. Even now, he is just one quirk in the barrel of quirkiness that is the Shinsengumi.  
  
They are  _all_  a bunch of weirdoes.  
  


~*~

  
  
It's a brilliant idea, Kondo reflects, tightening his grip on the telephone pole in anticipation. He watches Otae-san walk the street toward her house, watches her stop at each telephone pole and read the poem, watches her tears the sheet down with evident anger.  
  
She's  _reading them_. His heart feels like it's about to burst. She's  _reading his poetry_. He can't help himself. When she nears the pole that is his vantage point, he calls, "Otae-san!"  
  
Otae-san turns her angry gaze up at him. "You!"  
  
"My love for you would have been preached in many more words --  _should have_  been expressed in many more words, as you deserve so much more than what I was able to pen--"  
  
"Get away from my house, you stalker!"  
  
"--alas, I am but a mortal man, and my hand failed me as I was attempting to channel the words of love to do you justice--!"  
  
She throws her shopping bag at him.  
  


~*~

  
  
Toshirou is so used to Sougo's greetings that now that he doesn't even spill his coffee when he blocks the attack.  
  
"If you want to kill me so badly," he says in a dry tone, "start buying my cigarettes for me."  
  


~*~

  
  
"See something you like, sir?" the cashier asks him, tilting her cute face and blinking her round eyes.  
  
Sougo touches his lips as he thinks. "Hmm, I think I'll take a dozen of these," he points to a fluffy, sweetened pastry, "freshly-baked, please."  
  
"Of course, sir!"  
  
"Oh, and, Miss?" He looks up questioningly. "Is it possible to get them with cyanide?"  
  


~*~

  
  
"You promised you would never tell Sougo," Toshirou grumps at Kondo.  
  
"I... might have? I don't remember. I was busy." Kondo looks up from his poetry, looking confused. "Toshi, what are we talking about?"  
  
Toshirou gives up. "We're lucky I would never take candy from Okita."  
  


~*~

  
  
When Sougo takes a hit for him, Toshirou waits until the battle is over, until they are back at headquarters, until the wound is wrapped, and until they are alone before he sputters, "I don't  _get you_ , you psycho!"  
  


~*~

  
  
"... And the bartender says, 'that's not a duck!'" Yamazaki concludes, slapping the table to complete his punch line. His finale provokes boisterous laughter all around the table, knee-slapping, and watering eyes.  
  
Toshirou rests his forehead in his palm as he reaches for another cigarette. " _This_  is the elite armed corps of Edo, believe it or not."  
  
+end+


End file.
